Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
