i just had sex bonerless
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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