Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
