You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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