yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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