There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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