bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
