I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
