yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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