I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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