I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
