It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
