well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
