You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
