I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
