Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
