Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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