I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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