Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
