Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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