I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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