we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
