I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
