I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
