Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
