thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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