I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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