I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
