I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
