guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
