Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
