He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
