Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
