no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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