If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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