Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im six kinds of drunk right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
