I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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