He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
