Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize