so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
