So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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