wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
