porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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