her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
