Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
