hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
