they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
