No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
