so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
