Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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