Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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