I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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