So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
