Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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