Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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