I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
