So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
