an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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