the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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