guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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