Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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