How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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