i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
