Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
