I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize