the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize