When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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