Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
