census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
