I think i peed on brittanys purse
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
