i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
