you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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