just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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