either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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