I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
