he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
