I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
