please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
