hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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